Balance of Opposites & Its Transformative Power
Reflections by Dr. Yamina Bouguenaya
All praise be to God. We seek Guidance and forgiveness from Him. We trust Him and seek refuge in Him from the evils of our own selves. Whoever God guides, no one can misguide and whoever He lets go astray no one can guide. We testify that there is nothing worth worshiping except God,and we testify that Muhammad is His servant and His messenger.
In the name of God, the all Merciful, all Compassionate.
I want to share with you a realization that transformed my perspective on life in an amazing way. Many years ago I went through very painful life experiences. I kept telling myself that, “It’s all from God; so it’s all good,” that I needed to make tawakkul (trust), that everything was taken care of and so on. My heart, however, was not at peace. It was just too hard to bear.
As I started opening my heart to the wisdom in the balance of good and bad, I started feeling how even my worst nightmare till then, my vulnerability, was actually my most precious asset. Till then I would avoid feeling vulnerable at all costs because it was extremely painful, like a raw, deep wound. The more I consciously chose to surrender and open my heart, the more my perception of the hardships in my life transformed. They were not anymore those ugly and unwanted obstacles that I thought I had to fight and resist. It was as though I had been walking in a dim world and gradually it became brighter and brighter.
In the name of God, the all Merciful, all Compassionate.
I want to share with you a realization that transformed my perspective on life in an amazing way. Many years ago I went through very painful life experiences. I kept telling myself that, “It’s all from God; so it’s all good,” that I needed to make tawakkul (trust), that everything was taken care of and so on. My heart, however, was not at peace. It was just too hard to bear.
As I started opening my heart to the wisdom in the balance of good and bad, I started feeling how even my worst nightmare till then, my vulnerability, was actually my most precious asset. Till then I would avoid feeling vulnerable at all costs because it was extremely painful, like a raw, deep wound. The more I consciously chose to surrender and open my heart, the more my perception of the hardships in my life transformed. They were not anymore those ugly and unwanted obstacles that I thought I had to fight and resist. It was as though I had been walking in a dim world and gradually it became brighter and brighter.
At this point, I’d like to let you into a secret. For a long time I made a huge mistake. I thought that if I understood the meaning and wisdom of what was going on in my life, I would definitely be able to surrender. Now I realize that often under the pretext of ‘trying to understand,’ lies a lack of acceptance and trust. We may think we are asking questions, like “Why did this happen to me?” However, this is not a genuine question. It’s an objection under the guise of a question. What we really mean is: “ I don’t like this; it should not have happened to me.” We’ve already made up our mind: whatever happened is bad and therefore there can be no use, no benefits in it. With this attitude, we’re unlikely to see anything else.
Eventually, with God’s guidance, I came to realize that it’s only when we are in a state of trust and surrender to the will of God (i.e. when we consciously stop resisting what is) that we become open to receive the wisdom of whatever is going on in our life. I realized that wisdom is given to those who trust and surrender. Those who ask genuine questions with the conscious intention to really understand what’s going on, such as “What is the benefit in this?,” “What does this teach me?”. Yes, it may be painful. Yes, it may be hard. Yes it may hurt. It doesn’t mean however that there is no useful purpose in it. With this open attitude, we are able, God willing, to see the good within the 'bad', or as Bediuzzaman Said Nursi wrote, “I found the cure within the malady itself; I found the light within the darkness itself; I found the solace within the horror itself.” [i]
Now, alhamdulillah, all praise be to God, I look at those difficult times with gratitude. God has put me on a path, and in my ignorance I was resisting it. Not only I didn’t know, but also I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I was unaware even as I had accumulated lots of Islamic knowledge. I was like a caterpillar complaining about the cocoon because it is unaware that it’ll transform into a butterfly.
This transformative wisdom is related to the balance of opposites and how it affects the way we handle our life crises. The Qur’an often mentions opposites such as day and night, life and death, and even salty waters and sweet waters together. In Sura Fatir, for instance, "You cause the night to pass into the day and the day to pass into the night. And You bring forth the living out the dead, and You bring forth the dead out of the living." (3:27)
At a glance, it seems as though day and night are opposites, but in fact they are more like a pair in the sense that they serve the common purpose of being signs to the divine power and creativity. And so is the case for death and life. We tend to think of death as the opposite or the absence of life. However, the relationship of death to life is not that simple. According to the Qur’an, God is the Giver of Life (al-Muhyi) and the Dealer of death (al-Mumeet). He creates both death and life. "Who creates death and life..." (al-Mulk, 67:2)
And so in the light of this aya, Bediuzzaman Said Nursi explains to us that death is a blessing just like life and he goes on to expounds the benefits of death. Among the many blessings of death is that it makes it possible for new creations to come into being. [ii] They are not so much opposites as a pair and they function like a team to indicate the blessings of God. The Giver of Life (al-Muhyi) , and the Dealer of death (al-Mumeet) are both beautiful names of God. It is through the dynamic contrast between night and day, darkness and light, death and life, hardship and ease, bad and good, that we become aware of the blessings bestowed upon us and we are taught wisdom. And that is how we eventually come to know the beautiful names of God. [iii] That is why God reminds us that, "Every human being is bound to taste death; and We test you [all] through the bad and the good [things of life] by way of trial: and unto Us you all will be brought back." (al-Anbiya, 21:35)
I had been exposed to this wisdom a long time ago. And although, it made perfect sense, and I could feel how beautiful it was, it had not occurred to me that this balance of opposites was very much part of my inner life. And that one of the main reasons behind our life crises is the spoiling of this balance. Let me explain how. If I imagine success for instance, to be sheer goodness without any challenges and that failure is the total opposite and hence it is all bad and without any benefits, then the experience of failure is very likely to cause me great frustration, distress, fear and even anger. Why? Because, I compare it to my illusory view of what I believe success to be; and in contrast, failure becomes unbearable and painful. For instance, let’s assume that my goal is to succeed in entering a certain school. But I fail to do so and I feel awful. Why? What am I comparing this situation, which I call ‘failure’ to? Imagine what the reality could have been if I had succeeded. Would there have been any challenges? Would life be great forever if I had succeeded in that goal (entering a particular school for instance)? Probably not so. Entering the school would be only the first step in a series of challenges. Since this school is competitive, I’d probably have to work hard to keep up with the standards. In other words, the reality is very different from the ideal situation that I had imagined.
With this realization, here and now is not as painful anymore. Because now I understand that whatever the situation is here and now, there are always benefits and challenges. 'Success' comes with its challenges, and 'failure' often teaches us memorable life lessons. When we accept this fact and we stop resisting what's going on right now, we begin to surrender (islam) to what is - we become muslims i.e. surrenderers. While in this space of acceptance, we can find out the wisdom in what’s going in our life that’s making us frustrated, unhappy, depressed or angry. When we surrender, our heart is open to see the benefits in even the most painful situation and how it contributes to our growth (tarbiya). Indeed, as the wise Qur’an teaches us, "It may be that you dislike a thing and God brings through it a great deal of good." (Nisa, 4:19)
As we see the benefits of the unwanted situation, we experience “openness of heart, the burdens are lifted, our dignity is restored and even hardships are much easier to deal with.” As God informs us in the Qur’an, "Have We not opened your heart, and lifted from you the burden that had weighed so heavily on your back? And have We not you high in dignity? And behold, with every hardship there is ease. Verily, with every hardship there is ease. Hence, when you are freed from distress, remain steadfast, and unto your Sustainer turn with love." (Inshirah, 94:1-8)
We realize then that everything is created with and for a purpose, and with wisdom, and that it contributes to our life in ways that call on much gratitude. We start appreciating whatever happens, as it is right here and now. However, we can appreciate the benefits of painful situations only when we stop comparing them (often unknowingly) to a fantasy world with no challenges or drawbacks whatsoever. In comparison to our fantasy, the present situation seems unbearable and we cannot entertain even the possibility that it could contain some benefits.
At the end of this realization process, the fantasy with its drawbacks and the painful reality with its benefits are balanced. Till we don’t feel depressed anymore and we find the possibility of being grateful for whatever is going on in our life, the good and the bad, the wanted and the unwanted.
This realization struck me when reading the story of Yusuf (AS), “the most beautiful of stories” (Qur’an, Yusuf, 12:3). Yusuf (AS) goes through all these awful trials, yet he is always present with God, always peaceful and fulfilled (mutmain). Yusuf (AS)’s story actually teaches the meaning and the wisdom (hikma) in the apparent ups and downs in life, and how at the end of the day, everything comes with and from God’s infinite rahma (compassion). Everything is actually a sign (ayah) to the Merciful’s wisdom, power, compassion, and other Beautiful Divine Names (al-asma’ al-husna). Surat Yusuf (AS) teaches ta’weel al-ahaadith, the balanced interpretation of events.
And we realize that like Yusuf (AS), everything that has ever happened in our life so far, is vital in our becoming the unique beings that we are; it is vital to the ‘fulfillment’ of our ‘dream’ in ways that exceed our imagination. The surrender to the balance of apparent good and bad, à la Yusuf (AS), is not only transformative, but also very empowering. It brings out balance to our perception of all events as signs from God and opens our hearts to the meanings these signs indicate here and now, so that we are able to appreciate our life and be grateful, and praise God in all situations, easy and difficult, joyful and painful, in health and in sickness, day and night. That is, it becomes possible to be grateful and praise God with all His Beautiful Names in all situations, the good and the bad.
Although I had known about the balance of good and bad in the Qur’an, it is while reading the story of Yusuf (AS) that it dawned upon me that this mystery of the balance of pairs is directly related to my perception of the world as ayaat (signs) to the Beautiful Names of God. Hence, it is directly related to how I choose to live my life: with surrender, ease and gratitude, or with resistance, distrust and hardship? As a khalifa (vicegerent), a guest of the Merciful Host, or as a victim of aimless hardships and vicissitudes?
This was a major breakthrough in my life. Reading Surat Yusuf (AS) in that light was a wonderful breakthrough for me. I feel much more balanced, more fulfilled alhamdulillah. It is now easier for me to see how life is truly worth gratitude and praise in all situations, in times of success and ease, and in times of failure and hardships. What is more, I can now feel the ease within the hardship. Subhanallah, life is much more magnificent than in our best fantasy. Because the reality is that success comes with its hardships, and failure comes with its benefits. Failure may be teaching me some valuable life lessons or it may simply be a blessing in disguise. As God reminds us in the Qur’an, "It may well be that you dislike a thing even though it is good for you, and it may well be that you like a thing even though it is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know." (Baqara, 2:216)
In other words, there are benefits in failure and hardships in success. Success and failure balance each other and they exist in relation to each other. Think about it. What would success mean if there were no possibilities for failure? Success would be boring and meaningless! Without the possibility of failure, how could we appreciate success? There would be no thrill, no excitement and no self-fulfillment in success.
So when personal failure befalls me, instead of losing hope and sinking into depression, I can reflect on what it is teaching me. The very fact that failure elicits emotions (like frustration) is a sign that urges us to ponder on the meaning of the situation, and figure out how to transform it. It also motivates us into working towards future success. Then we will not only appreciate success, but also failure as valuable teacher of wisdom. Neither failure nor success is the goal of our ephemeral life. Together, through the mystery of contrasts, they point to the gifts given to us so that we may be grateful. When our thoughts, emotions, and perceptions are thus balanced, we can surf the bad and the good with peaceful surrender that all is well beyond the world of opposites.
Personally, this realization changed my life in awesome ways and that’s why I am sharing this beautiful mystery of balance (mizan) with you today. There is a hint to the importance of balance in sura al-Rahman: "He has set up the Balance in order that you may not transgress the balance. Weigh, therefore, with equity, and do not spoil the balance!" (Quran, 55:7-9)
Spoiling the balance causes much unnecessary pain and heartache. Every time we assume that there is loss without gain, hardship without benefit, we don’t have a balanced perspective because God always opens a door where a window is closed. There is no hardship without easiness, as we are taught in the Quran teaches, "And, behold, with every hardship comes ease. Verily, with every hardship comes ease." (Quran, 94:5-6)
God has not only created everything with balance, He also bids us to preserve that balance and to not spoil it. How? He has revealed to us how to set the balance, "It is God Who has sent down the Book in Truth, and the Balance" (Quran, 42:17) and "Indeed, We sent forth Our messengers with all evidence of [this] truth; and through them We bestowed revelation from on high, and [thus gave you] the Balance, so that people might act with equity; and We bestowed [upon you] from on high [the ability to make use of] iron, in which there is awesome power as well as [a source of] benefits for human being." (Quran, 57:25)
From one perspective, we may say that the purpose of Divine revelation is to teach us what the Balance is and how important it is and how to preserve it. In the verse above (57:25) it refers to iron, a metal which can be used for destructive ends, as well as for beneficial ones. Thus indicating that the good and the bad coexist and it is up to us to preserve their balance and benefit from it.
Let’s consider another pair of opposites: satisfaction and hunger. Have you heard phrases like: ‘War against hunger ‘or ‘putting an end to hunger’? Do we really want to wage war against hunger? Can you imagine a world without hunger? Wouldn’t it be awful? No hunger. No pleasure from food. No feasts. No family meals. No enjoyment around food. All right, we mean we don’t want people to be constantly hungry. But there is nothing wrong with being hungry per se. It’s because we get hungry that we can derive so much pleasure from so many different food. So the very possibility of being hungry is as beautiful as being satisfied. Hunger has also physical benefits and it can be healing. Many of us have experience that wonderful lightness in the body while fasting for instance. Can we even imagine a world without hunger? To be constantly hungry is the issue, not hunger itself. To be constantly hungry is a state of imbalance. And so is the case with constant satisfaction without hunger. It is also an imbalance. It causes much sickness. What we want to remedy is the imbalance because the latter causes much drawbacks. We appreciate satisfaction because of the existence and the possibility of hunger. Both satisfaction and hunger coexist in harmony. Both yield beautiful results when balanced and drawbacks when imbalanced. It’s only in our fantasy that satisfaction is all good no matter what, and hunger is all bad and hence unwanted; or so we imagine. The fact is that countless foods would have no value and no meaning were it not for hunger. The wise is aware of this beautiful balanced relationship between satisfaction and hunger.
What is even more magnificent is that both hunger and satisfaction co-exist so as to make us experience the pleasure of nourishment and of being nourished and ultimately this relationship between satisfaction and hunger points beyond both satisfaction and hunger to the Beautiful Divine Names like the Nourisher (al-Razzaq) and the Compassionate (al-Rahman). That is, food, satisfaction, hunger and the way they are interconnected are all signs indicating the beautiful Divine Names.
The relationship between hunger and satisfaction is actually an even clearer sign (bayyina), a more awesome and fascinating sign that points to God’s most beautiful names (al-asma al-husna) like the Provider (al-Razzaq), and the All-Wise (al-Hakim). And as such both hunger and satisfaction are beautiful because together, in the contrasting interplay, they reflect the beautiful Names of God. As poet Erzurumlu İbrahim Hakkı said in his Tevfizname, “Hak şerleri hayreyler, Zannetme ki gayr eyler, Görelim Mevlam neyler, Neylerse güzel eyler.” That is, "Truth (al-Haqq, i.e. God) ordains bad things for some good. Do not think He does it for any other purpose. Let us see what the Lord does. Whatever He does, He does it well."
Whenever we’re unaware of this harmonious balance of good and bad, benefits and drawbacks, hunger and satisfaction, we get upset, depressed, stressed, scared, frustrated, angry, you name it. If we dream of success without failure, satisfaction without hunger, happiness without sadness, then we’re in for lots of heartache in this world. Indeed, it is because of the possibility of failure that success is so rewarding and thrilling. And it is because of hunger that satisfaction is satiating and pleasurable.
When we grasp this mystery of the balance of opposites, we realize that whatever bad befalls us carries beneficial purposes and it comes with rahma and that the imaginary situation we compare it with, is not without its challenges. We realize that fulfillment is not in success without the possibility of failure; it is not in satisfaction without being hungry; and it is not in happiness and joy with no sadness and grief ever. Fulfillment is in the realization that the balance of these contrasting pairs functions as a sign to the Beautiful Attributes & Names of God. It is about seeing the Realm of the Unseen (‘alam al-ghayb) beyond the contrast of opposites.
Whether it is pleasurable or painful, every situation in our life serves a purpose. It is up to us to recognize what that purpose could be and remember that nothing is created in vain. As we're told in the Quran, "Those who remember God when they stand, and when they sit, and when they lie down to sleep, and thus reflect on the creation of the heavens and the earth: "O our Sustainer! You have not created [aught of] this in vain, without meaning and purpose. Limitless are You in Your glory! Keep us safe, then, from suffering through fire!" (Quran, 3:191)
Let’s consider yet another example, sadness and grief. When someone we love departs from this world, we are filled with grief and sadness. According to what we have learned so far, wisdom requires that we welcome this grief and sadness. It may sound strange because grief and sadness are not pleasant emotions to experience and so we don’t like them. Moreover, these emotions are even more hurtful when we fancy that they fulfill no purpose or at least no beneficial purpose. We may imagine that they befall us randomly or as divine punishment. In any case, they are the outcasts. No wonder, we want to experience happiness and joy always. We do not realize that sadness and grief are also created with purpose and compassion. For instance, sadness makes us realize how dear our departing beloveds are, how precious our family &and friends are, and how valuable life is. It makes us pray for our beloveds, for meeting them in an eternal world where there is no separation. If separation did not sadden us, if it were not painful, who would long for eternity? How would we know about eternity when we live in a world of transience? Because separation resulting from transience hurts; it’s painful. And it is through this pain that we are taught how much we long for eternity. If the ending of pleasure were not painful, who would long for paradise? So grief and sadness are beautiful signs indicating the beautiful names of God, like the Eternal, the All-Enduring (al-Baqi) and the all-Compassionate.
As Mevlana Muhammed Jalaluddin Rumi says, “God turns you from one feeling to another and teaches by means of opposites so that you will have two wings to fly, not one” (Essential Rumi)
When we are unaware of this reality, however, we become stuck in sadness and grief, like prisoners. We become confused and angry because we are unable to make sense of the death of the beloveds and the effects it has on us like reminding our own approaching death. We fight grief and sadness instead of surrendering and accepting them. Consequently, we don’t listen to the precious messages and meanings that grief and sadness carry for us. Ironically, the more we struggle with those emotions, the more we resist them, and the more they persist until we unpack the gifts of wisdom they have brought us from the realm of the unseen, the realm of the most beautiful names. When we resist the situation, we are blind to the benefits of grief and sadness and we fancy them as harmful and painful. Hence the aya, "Whatever good happens to you is from God; and whatever evil befalls you is from yourself." (Quran, 4:79)
The wise is aware that sadness and happiness, grief and joy, have been connected together so as to point to the Divine names of Caring, Loving, Compassionate. Whether it is sadness or happiness, grief or joy, they all carry messages of compassion (rahma) from the all-Compassionate. They are all reminders that we are the precious and special guests of the Compassionate and Generous Host "Who breathed from His spirit (ruh) into us" (Sajda, 32:9), "who taught us all the names" (Baqara, 2:31), and "asked the angels to prostrate to us" (A'raaf, 7:11).
When we gain insight into the balance of good and bad, our perception of the world is not based on fear of the unknown future anymore, but excitement and anticipation for the meaningful signs sent our way. Everything is meaningful, everything is beautiful, and everything is created with purpose, with wisdom (hikma) and rahma. Whether it is sadness or joy, they’re all messengers from our Most Compassionate, Most Wise Host and Sustainer (Rabb). As Mevlana Muhammed Jalaludin Muhammad Rumi said:
This being human is a guesthouse.
Every morning a new arrival
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
Some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
Who violently sweep your house
Empty of its furniture,
Still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
For some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
Meet them at the door laughing,
And invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
Because each has been sent
As a guide from beyond.
- (Mathnawi, The Guesthouse)
Endnotes:
[i] Bediuzzaman Said Nursi, Flashes, Trans S. Vahide, Twenty Sixth Flash, p.297
[ii] “Verses like the following in the All-Wise Qur’an, the Criterion of Truth and Falsehood, Who creates death and life that He may try you, which of you is the best in conduct, (Qur’an, 67:2) make it understood that ‘death is created like life; it too is a blessing.’ Whereas apparently death is dissolution, non-existence, decay, the extinction of life, the annihilator of pleasures; how can it be created and a blessing?
The Answer : [D]eath is a discharge from the duties of life; it is a rest, a change of residence, a change of existence; it is an invitation to an eternal life, a beginning, the introduction to an immortal life. Just as life comes into the world through an act of creation and a determining, so too departure from the world is through a creation and determining, through a wise and purposeful direction. For the death of plant life, the simplest level of life, shows that it is a more orderly work of art than life. For although the death of fruits, seeds, and grains appear to occur through decay and dissolution, their death is in fact a kneading which comprises an exceedingly well-ordered chemical reaction and well-balanced combining of elements and wise formation of particles; this unseen, orderly and wise death appears through the life of the new shoots. That is to say, the death of the seed is the start of life of the shoot; indeed, since it is like life itself, this death is created and well-ordered as much as is life.
Moreover, the death of the fruits of living beings and animals in the human stomach is the beginning of their rising to the level of human life; it may therefore be said “such a death is more orderly and created than their own life.”
Thus, if the death of plant life, the lowest level of life, is thus created, wise, and ordered, so also must be the death that befalls human life, the most elevated level of life. And like a seed sown in the ground becomes a tree in the world of the air, so a man who is laid in the earth will surely produce the shoots of an everlasting life in the Intermediate Realm.
As for the aspects of death that are blessings, we shall point out four of them.
The First: It is a great blessing because it is to be freed from the duties and obligations of life, which become burdensome, and is a door through which to join and be united with the ninety-nine out of a hundred of one’s friends who are already in the Intermediate Realm.
The Second: It is a release from the narrow, irksome, turbulent, and agitated prison of this world, and, manifesting an expansive, joyful, trouble free immortal life, it is to enter the sphere of mercy of the Eternally Beloved One.
The Third: There are numerous factors like old age, which make the conditions of life arduous and show death to be a bounty far superior to life. For example, if together with your very elderly parents who cause you much distress were now in front of you your grandfather’s grandfathers in all their pitiful state, you would understand what a calamity is life, and what a bounty, death. Also for example, it is understood how difficult are the lives in the conditions of winter of the beautiful flying insects, the lovers of the beautiful flowers, and what mercy are their deaths.
The Fourth: Just as sleep is a comfort, a mercy, a rest, particularly for those afflicted by disaster and the wounded and the sick, so too is death, the elder brother of sleep, a pure blessing and mercy for those struck by disaster and suffering tribulations which drive them to suicide. However, as is proved decisively in many of the Words, for the people of misguidance, death is pure torment like life, and pure affliction, but it is outside the discussion here.” Bediuzzaman Said Nursi, Letters, Trans S. Vahide, First Letter, pp. 24-25.
[iii] The fact that God tests us with the good and the bad does not mean that the bad is evil. It is how we perceive it and how we deal with it that either harms us, or benefits us. Hence, the Qur’an reminds us that, Whatever good happens to thee is from God; and whatever evil befalls thee is from thyself . (4:79)
Eventually, with God’s guidance, I came to realize that it’s only when we are in a state of trust and surrender to the will of God (i.e. when we consciously stop resisting what is) that we become open to receive the wisdom of whatever is going on in our life. I realized that wisdom is given to those who trust and surrender. Those who ask genuine questions with the conscious intention to really understand what’s going on, such as “What is the benefit in this?,” “What does this teach me?”. Yes, it may be painful. Yes, it may be hard. Yes it may hurt. It doesn’t mean however that there is no useful purpose in it. With this open attitude, we are able, God willing, to see the good within the 'bad', or as Bediuzzaman Said Nursi wrote, “I found the cure within the malady itself; I found the light within the darkness itself; I found the solace within the horror itself.” [i]
Now, alhamdulillah, all praise be to God, I look at those difficult times with gratitude. God has put me on a path, and in my ignorance I was resisting it. Not only I didn’t know, but also I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I was unaware even as I had accumulated lots of Islamic knowledge. I was like a caterpillar complaining about the cocoon because it is unaware that it’ll transform into a butterfly.
This transformative wisdom is related to the balance of opposites and how it affects the way we handle our life crises. The Qur’an often mentions opposites such as day and night, life and death, and even salty waters and sweet waters together. In Sura Fatir, for instance, "You cause the night to pass into the day and the day to pass into the night. And You bring forth the living out the dead, and You bring forth the dead out of the living." (3:27)
At a glance, it seems as though day and night are opposites, but in fact they are more like a pair in the sense that they serve the common purpose of being signs to the divine power and creativity. And so is the case for death and life. We tend to think of death as the opposite or the absence of life. However, the relationship of death to life is not that simple. According to the Qur’an, God is the Giver of Life (al-Muhyi) and the Dealer of death (al-Mumeet). He creates both death and life. "Who creates death and life..." (al-Mulk, 67:2)
And so in the light of this aya, Bediuzzaman Said Nursi explains to us that death is a blessing just like life and he goes on to expounds the benefits of death. Among the many blessings of death is that it makes it possible for new creations to come into being. [ii] They are not so much opposites as a pair and they function like a team to indicate the blessings of God. The Giver of Life (al-Muhyi) , and the Dealer of death (al-Mumeet) are both beautiful names of God. It is through the dynamic contrast between night and day, darkness and light, death and life, hardship and ease, bad and good, that we become aware of the blessings bestowed upon us and we are taught wisdom. And that is how we eventually come to know the beautiful names of God. [iii] That is why God reminds us that, "Every human being is bound to taste death; and We test you [all] through the bad and the good [things of life] by way of trial: and unto Us you all will be brought back." (al-Anbiya, 21:35)
I had been exposed to this wisdom a long time ago. And although, it made perfect sense, and I could feel how beautiful it was, it had not occurred to me that this balance of opposites was very much part of my inner life. And that one of the main reasons behind our life crises is the spoiling of this balance. Let me explain how. If I imagine success for instance, to be sheer goodness without any challenges and that failure is the total opposite and hence it is all bad and without any benefits, then the experience of failure is very likely to cause me great frustration, distress, fear and even anger. Why? Because, I compare it to my illusory view of what I believe success to be; and in contrast, failure becomes unbearable and painful. For instance, let’s assume that my goal is to succeed in entering a certain school. But I fail to do so and I feel awful. Why? What am I comparing this situation, which I call ‘failure’ to? Imagine what the reality could have been if I had succeeded. Would there have been any challenges? Would life be great forever if I had succeeded in that goal (entering a particular school for instance)? Probably not so. Entering the school would be only the first step in a series of challenges. Since this school is competitive, I’d probably have to work hard to keep up with the standards. In other words, the reality is very different from the ideal situation that I had imagined.
With this realization, here and now is not as painful anymore. Because now I understand that whatever the situation is here and now, there are always benefits and challenges. 'Success' comes with its challenges, and 'failure' often teaches us memorable life lessons. When we accept this fact and we stop resisting what's going on right now, we begin to surrender (islam) to what is - we become muslims i.e. surrenderers. While in this space of acceptance, we can find out the wisdom in what’s going in our life that’s making us frustrated, unhappy, depressed or angry. When we surrender, our heart is open to see the benefits in even the most painful situation and how it contributes to our growth (tarbiya). Indeed, as the wise Qur’an teaches us, "It may be that you dislike a thing and God brings through it a great deal of good." (Nisa, 4:19)
As we see the benefits of the unwanted situation, we experience “openness of heart, the burdens are lifted, our dignity is restored and even hardships are much easier to deal with.” As God informs us in the Qur’an, "Have We not opened your heart, and lifted from you the burden that had weighed so heavily on your back? And have We not you high in dignity? And behold, with every hardship there is ease. Verily, with every hardship there is ease. Hence, when you are freed from distress, remain steadfast, and unto your Sustainer turn with love." (Inshirah, 94:1-8)
We realize then that everything is created with and for a purpose, and with wisdom, and that it contributes to our life in ways that call on much gratitude. We start appreciating whatever happens, as it is right here and now. However, we can appreciate the benefits of painful situations only when we stop comparing them (often unknowingly) to a fantasy world with no challenges or drawbacks whatsoever. In comparison to our fantasy, the present situation seems unbearable and we cannot entertain even the possibility that it could contain some benefits.
At the end of this realization process, the fantasy with its drawbacks and the painful reality with its benefits are balanced. Till we don’t feel depressed anymore and we find the possibility of being grateful for whatever is going on in our life, the good and the bad, the wanted and the unwanted.
This realization struck me when reading the story of Yusuf (AS), “the most beautiful of stories” (Qur’an, Yusuf, 12:3). Yusuf (AS) goes through all these awful trials, yet he is always present with God, always peaceful and fulfilled (mutmain). Yusuf (AS)’s story actually teaches the meaning and the wisdom (hikma) in the apparent ups and downs in life, and how at the end of the day, everything comes with and from God’s infinite rahma (compassion). Everything is actually a sign (ayah) to the Merciful’s wisdom, power, compassion, and other Beautiful Divine Names (al-asma’ al-husna). Surat Yusuf (AS) teaches ta’weel al-ahaadith, the balanced interpretation of events.
And we realize that like Yusuf (AS), everything that has ever happened in our life so far, is vital in our becoming the unique beings that we are; it is vital to the ‘fulfillment’ of our ‘dream’ in ways that exceed our imagination. The surrender to the balance of apparent good and bad, à la Yusuf (AS), is not only transformative, but also very empowering. It brings out balance to our perception of all events as signs from God and opens our hearts to the meanings these signs indicate here and now, so that we are able to appreciate our life and be grateful, and praise God in all situations, easy and difficult, joyful and painful, in health and in sickness, day and night. That is, it becomes possible to be grateful and praise God with all His Beautiful Names in all situations, the good and the bad.
Although I had known about the balance of good and bad in the Qur’an, it is while reading the story of Yusuf (AS) that it dawned upon me that this mystery of the balance of pairs is directly related to my perception of the world as ayaat (signs) to the Beautiful Names of God. Hence, it is directly related to how I choose to live my life: with surrender, ease and gratitude, or with resistance, distrust and hardship? As a khalifa (vicegerent), a guest of the Merciful Host, or as a victim of aimless hardships and vicissitudes?
This was a major breakthrough in my life. Reading Surat Yusuf (AS) in that light was a wonderful breakthrough for me. I feel much more balanced, more fulfilled alhamdulillah. It is now easier for me to see how life is truly worth gratitude and praise in all situations, in times of success and ease, and in times of failure and hardships. What is more, I can now feel the ease within the hardship. Subhanallah, life is much more magnificent than in our best fantasy. Because the reality is that success comes with its hardships, and failure comes with its benefits. Failure may be teaching me some valuable life lessons or it may simply be a blessing in disguise. As God reminds us in the Qur’an, "It may well be that you dislike a thing even though it is good for you, and it may well be that you like a thing even though it is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know." (Baqara, 2:216)
In other words, there are benefits in failure and hardships in success. Success and failure balance each other and they exist in relation to each other. Think about it. What would success mean if there were no possibilities for failure? Success would be boring and meaningless! Without the possibility of failure, how could we appreciate success? There would be no thrill, no excitement and no self-fulfillment in success.
So when personal failure befalls me, instead of losing hope and sinking into depression, I can reflect on what it is teaching me. The very fact that failure elicits emotions (like frustration) is a sign that urges us to ponder on the meaning of the situation, and figure out how to transform it. It also motivates us into working towards future success. Then we will not only appreciate success, but also failure as valuable teacher of wisdom. Neither failure nor success is the goal of our ephemeral life. Together, through the mystery of contrasts, they point to the gifts given to us so that we may be grateful. When our thoughts, emotions, and perceptions are thus balanced, we can surf the bad and the good with peaceful surrender that all is well beyond the world of opposites.
Personally, this realization changed my life in awesome ways and that’s why I am sharing this beautiful mystery of balance (mizan) with you today. There is a hint to the importance of balance in sura al-Rahman: "He has set up the Balance in order that you may not transgress the balance. Weigh, therefore, with equity, and do not spoil the balance!" (Quran, 55:7-9)
Spoiling the balance causes much unnecessary pain and heartache. Every time we assume that there is loss without gain, hardship without benefit, we don’t have a balanced perspective because God always opens a door where a window is closed. There is no hardship without easiness, as we are taught in the Quran teaches, "And, behold, with every hardship comes ease. Verily, with every hardship comes ease." (Quran, 94:5-6)
God has not only created everything with balance, He also bids us to preserve that balance and to not spoil it. How? He has revealed to us how to set the balance, "It is God Who has sent down the Book in Truth, and the Balance" (Quran, 42:17) and "Indeed, We sent forth Our messengers with all evidence of [this] truth; and through them We bestowed revelation from on high, and [thus gave you] the Balance, so that people might act with equity; and We bestowed [upon you] from on high [the ability to make use of] iron, in which there is awesome power as well as [a source of] benefits for human being." (Quran, 57:25)
From one perspective, we may say that the purpose of Divine revelation is to teach us what the Balance is and how important it is and how to preserve it. In the verse above (57:25) it refers to iron, a metal which can be used for destructive ends, as well as for beneficial ones. Thus indicating that the good and the bad coexist and it is up to us to preserve their balance and benefit from it.
Let’s consider another pair of opposites: satisfaction and hunger. Have you heard phrases like: ‘War against hunger ‘or ‘putting an end to hunger’? Do we really want to wage war against hunger? Can you imagine a world without hunger? Wouldn’t it be awful? No hunger. No pleasure from food. No feasts. No family meals. No enjoyment around food. All right, we mean we don’t want people to be constantly hungry. But there is nothing wrong with being hungry per se. It’s because we get hungry that we can derive so much pleasure from so many different food. So the very possibility of being hungry is as beautiful as being satisfied. Hunger has also physical benefits and it can be healing. Many of us have experience that wonderful lightness in the body while fasting for instance. Can we even imagine a world without hunger? To be constantly hungry is the issue, not hunger itself. To be constantly hungry is a state of imbalance. And so is the case with constant satisfaction without hunger. It is also an imbalance. It causes much sickness. What we want to remedy is the imbalance because the latter causes much drawbacks. We appreciate satisfaction because of the existence and the possibility of hunger. Both satisfaction and hunger coexist in harmony. Both yield beautiful results when balanced and drawbacks when imbalanced. It’s only in our fantasy that satisfaction is all good no matter what, and hunger is all bad and hence unwanted; or so we imagine. The fact is that countless foods would have no value and no meaning were it not for hunger. The wise is aware of this beautiful balanced relationship between satisfaction and hunger.
What is even more magnificent is that both hunger and satisfaction co-exist so as to make us experience the pleasure of nourishment and of being nourished and ultimately this relationship between satisfaction and hunger points beyond both satisfaction and hunger to the Beautiful Divine Names like the Nourisher (al-Razzaq) and the Compassionate (al-Rahman). That is, food, satisfaction, hunger and the way they are interconnected are all signs indicating the beautiful Divine Names.
The relationship between hunger and satisfaction is actually an even clearer sign (bayyina), a more awesome and fascinating sign that points to God’s most beautiful names (al-asma al-husna) like the Provider (al-Razzaq), and the All-Wise (al-Hakim). And as such both hunger and satisfaction are beautiful because together, in the contrasting interplay, they reflect the beautiful Names of God. As poet Erzurumlu İbrahim Hakkı said in his Tevfizname, “Hak şerleri hayreyler, Zannetme ki gayr eyler, Görelim Mevlam neyler, Neylerse güzel eyler.” That is, "Truth (al-Haqq, i.e. God) ordains bad things for some good. Do not think He does it for any other purpose. Let us see what the Lord does. Whatever He does, He does it well."
Whenever we’re unaware of this harmonious balance of good and bad, benefits and drawbacks, hunger and satisfaction, we get upset, depressed, stressed, scared, frustrated, angry, you name it. If we dream of success without failure, satisfaction without hunger, happiness without sadness, then we’re in for lots of heartache in this world. Indeed, it is because of the possibility of failure that success is so rewarding and thrilling. And it is because of hunger that satisfaction is satiating and pleasurable.
When we grasp this mystery of the balance of opposites, we realize that whatever bad befalls us carries beneficial purposes and it comes with rahma and that the imaginary situation we compare it with, is not without its challenges. We realize that fulfillment is not in success without the possibility of failure; it is not in satisfaction without being hungry; and it is not in happiness and joy with no sadness and grief ever. Fulfillment is in the realization that the balance of these contrasting pairs functions as a sign to the Beautiful Attributes & Names of God. It is about seeing the Realm of the Unseen (‘alam al-ghayb) beyond the contrast of opposites.
Whether it is pleasurable or painful, every situation in our life serves a purpose. It is up to us to recognize what that purpose could be and remember that nothing is created in vain. As we're told in the Quran, "Those who remember God when they stand, and when they sit, and when they lie down to sleep, and thus reflect on the creation of the heavens and the earth: "O our Sustainer! You have not created [aught of] this in vain, without meaning and purpose. Limitless are You in Your glory! Keep us safe, then, from suffering through fire!" (Quran, 3:191)
Let’s consider yet another example, sadness and grief. When someone we love departs from this world, we are filled with grief and sadness. According to what we have learned so far, wisdom requires that we welcome this grief and sadness. It may sound strange because grief and sadness are not pleasant emotions to experience and so we don’t like them. Moreover, these emotions are even more hurtful when we fancy that they fulfill no purpose or at least no beneficial purpose. We may imagine that they befall us randomly or as divine punishment. In any case, they are the outcasts. No wonder, we want to experience happiness and joy always. We do not realize that sadness and grief are also created with purpose and compassion. For instance, sadness makes us realize how dear our departing beloveds are, how precious our family &and friends are, and how valuable life is. It makes us pray for our beloveds, for meeting them in an eternal world where there is no separation. If separation did not sadden us, if it were not painful, who would long for eternity? How would we know about eternity when we live in a world of transience? Because separation resulting from transience hurts; it’s painful. And it is through this pain that we are taught how much we long for eternity. If the ending of pleasure were not painful, who would long for paradise? So grief and sadness are beautiful signs indicating the beautiful names of God, like the Eternal, the All-Enduring (al-Baqi) and the all-Compassionate.
As Mevlana Muhammed Jalaluddin Rumi says, “God turns you from one feeling to another and teaches by means of opposites so that you will have two wings to fly, not one” (Essential Rumi)
When we are unaware of this reality, however, we become stuck in sadness and grief, like prisoners. We become confused and angry because we are unable to make sense of the death of the beloveds and the effects it has on us like reminding our own approaching death. We fight grief and sadness instead of surrendering and accepting them. Consequently, we don’t listen to the precious messages and meanings that grief and sadness carry for us. Ironically, the more we struggle with those emotions, the more we resist them, and the more they persist until we unpack the gifts of wisdom they have brought us from the realm of the unseen, the realm of the most beautiful names. When we resist the situation, we are blind to the benefits of grief and sadness and we fancy them as harmful and painful. Hence the aya, "Whatever good happens to you is from God; and whatever evil befalls you is from yourself." (Quran, 4:79)
The wise is aware that sadness and happiness, grief and joy, have been connected together so as to point to the Divine names of Caring, Loving, Compassionate. Whether it is sadness or happiness, grief or joy, they all carry messages of compassion (rahma) from the all-Compassionate. They are all reminders that we are the precious and special guests of the Compassionate and Generous Host "Who breathed from His spirit (ruh) into us" (Sajda, 32:9), "who taught us all the names" (Baqara, 2:31), and "asked the angels to prostrate to us" (A'raaf, 7:11).
When we gain insight into the balance of good and bad, our perception of the world is not based on fear of the unknown future anymore, but excitement and anticipation for the meaningful signs sent our way. Everything is meaningful, everything is beautiful, and everything is created with purpose, with wisdom (hikma) and rahma. Whether it is sadness or joy, they’re all messengers from our Most Compassionate, Most Wise Host and Sustainer (Rabb). As Mevlana Muhammed Jalaludin Muhammad Rumi said:
This being human is a guesthouse.
Every morning a new arrival
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
Some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
Who violently sweep your house
Empty of its furniture,
Still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
For some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
Meet them at the door laughing,
And invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
Because each has been sent
As a guide from beyond.
- (Mathnawi, The Guesthouse)
Endnotes:
[i] Bediuzzaman Said Nursi, Flashes, Trans S. Vahide, Twenty Sixth Flash, p.297
[ii] “Verses like the following in the All-Wise Qur’an, the Criterion of Truth and Falsehood, Who creates death and life that He may try you, which of you is the best in conduct, (Qur’an, 67:2) make it understood that ‘death is created like life; it too is a blessing.’ Whereas apparently death is dissolution, non-existence, decay, the extinction of life, the annihilator of pleasures; how can it be created and a blessing?
The Answer : [D]eath is a discharge from the duties of life; it is a rest, a change of residence, a change of existence; it is an invitation to an eternal life, a beginning, the introduction to an immortal life. Just as life comes into the world through an act of creation and a determining, so too departure from the world is through a creation and determining, through a wise and purposeful direction. For the death of plant life, the simplest level of life, shows that it is a more orderly work of art than life. For although the death of fruits, seeds, and grains appear to occur through decay and dissolution, their death is in fact a kneading which comprises an exceedingly well-ordered chemical reaction and well-balanced combining of elements and wise formation of particles; this unseen, orderly and wise death appears through the life of the new shoots. That is to say, the death of the seed is the start of life of the shoot; indeed, since it is like life itself, this death is created and well-ordered as much as is life.
Moreover, the death of the fruits of living beings and animals in the human stomach is the beginning of their rising to the level of human life; it may therefore be said “such a death is more orderly and created than their own life.”
Thus, if the death of plant life, the lowest level of life, is thus created, wise, and ordered, so also must be the death that befalls human life, the most elevated level of life. And like a seed sown in the ground becomes a tree in the world of the air, so a man who is laid in the earth will surely produce the shoots of an everlasting life in the Intermediate Realm.
As for the aspects of death that are blessings, we shall point out four of them.
The First: It is a great blessing because it is to be freed from the duties and obligations of life, which become burdensome, and is a door through which to join and be united with the ninety-nine out of a hundred of one’s friends who are already in the Intermediate Realm.
The Second: It is a release from the narrow, irksome, turbulent, and agitated prison of this world, and, manifesting an expansive, joyful, trouble free immortal life, it is to enter the sphere of mercy of the Eternally Beloved One.
The Third: There are numerous factors like old age, which make the conditions of life arduous and show death to be a bounty far superior to life. For example, if together with your very elderly parents who cause you much distress were now in front of you your grandfather’s grandfathers in all their pitiful state, you would understand what a calamity is life, and what a bounty, death. Also for example, it is understood how difficult are the lives in the conditions of winter of the beautiful flying insects, the lovers of the beautiful flowers, and what mercy are their deaths.
The Fourth: Just as sleep is a comfort, a mercy, a rest, particularly for those afflicted by disaster and the wounded and the sick, so too is death, the elder brother of sleep, a pure blessing and mercy for those struck by disaster and suffering tribulations which drive them to suicide. However, as is proved decisively in many of the Words, for the people of misguidance, death is pure torment like life, and pure affliction, but it is outside the discussion here.” Bediuzzaman Said Nursi, Letters, Trans S. Vahide, First Letter, pp. 24-25.
[iii] The fact that God tests us with the good and the bad does not mean that the bad is evil. It is how we perceive it and how we deal with it that either harms us, or benefits us. Hence, the Qur’an reminds us that, Whatever good happens to thee is from God; and whatever evil befalls thee is from thyself . (4:79)
